Reflection on Forty

I don't remember the place and time, but somewhere in my 20's I read an article in a mens magazine that had a list of things to do by the time you were 40. There were a bunch of things on that list; some were reasonable, some made me laugh. One item I remember was "grow a beard". I'm not sure why I remembered that particular item after all these years, but for some reason it sticks in my mind. I'm normally a clean-shaven type of guy. When I was laid up a couple years ago, I tried to grow a beard, more out of necessity than a desire to change my appearance. The beard lasted about 6 days until my physical ability surpassed my desire for a beard. Check that one off the list.

I've known my wife longer than I haven't. Through life's trials and tribulations, she's been there. I've never looked back on that moment in 1986 where I knew she was the one for me and thought different. Not for a second.

I always try to do the right thing. Sometimes I succeed, sometimes I let myself down. But I learn from my mistakes. I've left a job on principle, left a job under bad circumstances, and took a job for all the right reasons. I haven't made enough money to buy Miami yet, but then again, I didn't piss it away so fast either. I figure I'm kinda even.

I wish I could say I never experienced the pain of loss. Overall, not a lot, but more than enough. Life is precious and when a loved one is taken from you, it's hard to understand. I often think of those who have passed before me with a smile. I wonder if Danny is confused when I call him Jake?

My travels have brought me to the other side of the world as well as our own backyard. I've been in 27 of our 50 states. Granted, some were just changing planes, but I count that. We have a dream to rent a Winnebago and travel to the remaining states when we retire. I think we can knock off ten more states before then. No matter how far you go, though, there's no place like home. Except maybe Kiawah Island.

I don't know if I've lived up to my definition of successful. Then again, I think the definition of success changes as you grow older. It wasn't that long ago that I thought successful meant driving an expensive car, wearing the right clothes, and living in a nice big house. When you find you're the last leaf of Fall clinging to a tree, your perspective changes. That's the moment you find out that success means the love of family, friends, and strangers you've never met, coming to help for no other reason than you need it.

Will I be here in another forty years? I don't know and I'm not so sure I would want to know ahead of time anyway. Tomorrow is a gift; embrace it. Life is a mystery that I'm still trying to figure out.